where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
