the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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