i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
