it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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