Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
