It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
