That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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