Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So many bounce houses so little time
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
