I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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