My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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