I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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