until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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