In the future we'll all be gay
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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