we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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