I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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