Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
