Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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