Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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