if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
