I'm really into asian looking animals
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
