How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
