so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
