Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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