I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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