Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
