A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
