I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
