I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
