I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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