Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
