She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
