you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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