According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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