okay pat passed out under dana's car
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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