Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
