Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
