I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
