I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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