we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
