i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
