I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
