That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
should my penis look like a turkey
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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