You really coming over, don't trick.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
