Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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