I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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