I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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