Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
