If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
