Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
