If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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