I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
