I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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