I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
