She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
