I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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